ENTRIES

10.23.26

was offered a soggy slice of mozzarella out of a plastic bag at a birthday party. declined and threatened to kill myself after.
was then given a thorough run-down of the process of accessing a vault in which one "walks backward very carefully."
"that one friend that blogs at the function," okay.

10.19.26

"why are you pink?" okay, hello.
i refuse to utilize the postal system in concern of the risk of its failure and inconsistency.
my postcards will be hand delivered.
the dreams came back but they are different this time. i don't know what that means.
do you remember that night. in ____ and it rained lightly.
i still do.

10.15.26

it has been decided that we will all drop out and do angsty 20 year old music.
the package waits for me in the mailroom.
much learning has been done on this trip and many sandwiches have been consumed.

10.01.26

the rain was lovely, but the company was better.
we sat at on a secluded rooftop, shielded by the rain, smoking cigarettes // it is october.
the microphone still squeaks, and afterward, we took blurry photos with the ground as the focal point.

09.27.26

"you don't go to things, do you?" he asked, but i understand i remain as a concept with my absence.
i just threw two corsets off the balcony and autocorrect forgot how to spell your name.

09.25.26

i am drinking his coolant. thankfully the chemicals and i are the same, so no damage is done.
the people are beginning to wake up and find me agreeable.

09.24.26

it is a beautiful privilege to dream and love again, even in silence.
i have been sleepy lately. every day has felt like friday this week.
told him their songs have many enjoyable elements without making the room feel crowded.
everyone is lovely.

09.18.26

i was gifted a small purple duck. it will live inside this case forever.
i don't think the glass is ever half empty nor half full // it is simply just not ideal.
things don't always have to be complicated just for the sake of nuance.

09.10.26

ghosts keep knocking.

09.09.26

stepped outside and was immediately shot by the rain.
i'm glad we are well. we are deserving people.
i am "famously loveable" it said.

09.06.26

i got hit by a door at work despite her efforts to save me.
bought a sky blue lighter // the smoke tastes sweeter.
ice cream and movies with friends and discussions of music.

09.04.26

door is stuck at an odd angle.
blessed lately.

09.02.26

almost lost the papers on the side of the road. almost.
leaking shades of faded denim.

09.01.26

the weather app changed three times // the sky remained undecided.
those dreams have stopped.
the venue lied but the music plays. i have been advised to "eat hot chip and lie and be bisexual."

08.31.26

the elevator stopped on the same floor twice. nauseating.
feeling comes in waves.

08.26.26

this language is just microwaved java.

08.23.26

tumblr and porch cigarettes on a humid night.

08.21.26

great start to the semester: "street syrup" and a floor french fry.
memories of silent calls and new beginnings // it will be okay.

08.17.26

accidentally went "cold turkey" for a few weeks. cycles.

08.12.26

headache but these types of needles are comforting.
metallic backwash with silver in my lip.

08.09.26

towel is stained cobalt blue and bleached chalk white.
i feel ill and the metals have red again.

08.06.26

apartment is 71 degrees and i think the air conditioner is tired.
i respect the commitment. it sounds overworked.

08.03.26

it's all so lovely lately. really, it is.
not receiving those strange, untimely confessions from the screens anymore.
certain absences have been unexpectedly kind and appreciated.

08.01.26

departure from home is slightly delayed. LAX folds in on itself.
the metal detector was threatened by my piercings and my hands are stained pen ink blue again.

07.30.26

the bank's disappearance went unnoticed and graffiti climbs up its walls.
"what a californian" they said.

07.26.26

i'm having those dreams again // faces are wrong though.
the air is full of static in LA and there is spilled gasoline.

07.25.26

the voice memo remained unplayed for three weeks. not unopened. unplayed.
there is a difference and i no longer hate that there is.
the medication is no longer pink, the new ones are burnt auburn. they lack whimsy and i need to throw up.
i don't know what i expected. from any of it.

07.21.26

suffocating shirt collars and dyed blue cotton.
her call was never returned but you should be okay with the mundane.
i was gifted a strawberry smoothie.

07.20.26

blood pressure is still too low, allegedly // lightheaded, unrelated to my health. maybe.
these walls are tired of seeing me. but it's okay.
spoke to friends and hired mud, the cat, for surveillance purposes.
overall vibes are lukewarm.

07.19.26

it's all concrete now anyway.
not surprised. i don't miss it.
trampled my flowers and called them weeds.

07.07.26

i stopped for a sign that wasn’t meant for me.
i waited. everyone still found the road.

07.03.26

the backspace key sticks // it doesn’t forget cleanly.
stubborn in a way machines shouldn’t be.
the cursor keeps blinking angrily.

06.27.26

a conversation ended mid-sentence and never agreed to resume.
i left the punctuation where it fell.
some people return to their worst chapter. i let them.

06.21.26

the room stopped changing around it a long time ago.
got lost in the bookstore. felt falsely performative.
a man kept speaking above it // it's all a bit too loud.
i left with three books.

06.19.26

lightheaded in the sterile room after i promised the lady i was okay.
i was fine with the needles but it was too cold.
the roll of tape slid closer to the edge. i think it wanted to be on the floor.
i don't blame it.

06.13.26

sedatives are fighting my energy drink consumption // both are losing.
i finished editing the document. it is six pages long and three generations old.

06.05.26

i keep dreaming // this always happens.
you had my red lighter again. the one i quietly replaced (i didn't mention it that morning).
sometimes it appears as a text message.

06.03.26

gatekept meds and misspellings.
they missed the second "a" again. the pharmacist keeps deleting my record because of it.

05.29.26

going in circles at LAX. labyrinth parking garage.

05.25.26

cigarettes and discussions of media literacy on a porch with a hazardous-looking ceiling fan.

05.24.26

the subconscious demands a restoration but it comes back anyway.
i am in the same room as before even though distance says i shouldn’t be.

05.12.26

sleeping as i had the back row to myself.
many songs were skipped and the gps argued with itself.
that waiting room wasn't real.
people are more willing to negotiate if you tell them you drove 3 hours to austin.
leverage.

05.10.26

i was gifted a blue fish. it sleeps in the kitchen cabinet until the floors are replaced

05.07.26

overfilled rice cooker. aided them via phone.
i don't even eat white rice.
"IF IT'S HARD, IT'S NOT COOKED"

05.05.26

got offered an orange slice at the funeral

05.02.26

too much mud // not enough lemonade

04.25.26

"tasteless transparent fried chicken" and potentially moldy lungs.
i ordered a strawberry lemonade and he left and came back with another straw and a hinting look.

04.16.26

i "smoke like a californian"

04.15.26

consensually broke and entered into an apartment // played "i spy" for a buzzer.
had to contact help and got pressured with bus propaganda.

04.10.26

the music was saved // 10th.
forgotten: camera, key, cash box.

04.02.26

"weak; cannot handle light rain" // the weather shifted.
socal wouldn't do this to me.

03.12.26

lukewarm burger

03.06.26

missed time // blacked out

03.01.26

"miffed" they said.
i threw a virtual tomato