ENTRIES

08.12.26

headache but these types of needles are comforting.
metallic backwash with silver in my lip.

08.09.26

towel is stained cobalt blue and bleached chalk white.
i feel ill and the metals have red again.

08.06.26

apartment is 71 degrees and i think the air conditioner is tired.
i respect the commitment. it sounds overworked.

08.03.26

it's all so lovely lately. really, it is.
not receiving your strange, untimely confessions from the screens anymore.
certain absences have been unexpectedly kind and appreciated.

08.01.26

departure from home is slightly delayed. LAX folds in on itself.
the metal detector was threatened by my piercings and my hands are stained pen ink blue again.

07.30.26

the bank's disappearance went unnoticed and graffiti climbs up its walls.
"what a californian" they said.

07.26.26

i'm having those dreams again // your face is wrong though.
the air is full of static in LA and there is spilled gasoline.

07.25.26

your voice memo remained unplayed for three weeks. not unopened. unplayed.
there is a difference and i no longer hate that there is.
the medication is no longer pink, the new ones are burnt auburn. they lack whimsy and i need to throw up.
i don't know what i expected. from any of it.

07.21.26

suffocating shirt collars and dyed blue cotton.
your call was never returned but you should be okay with the mundane.
i was gifted a strawberry smoothie.

07.20.26

blood pressure is still too low, allegedly // lightheaded, unrelated to my health. maybe.
these walls are tired of seeing me. but it's okay. it won't matter soon.
spoke to friends and hired mud, the cat, for surveillance purposes.
overall vibes are lukewarm.

07.19.26

it's all concrete now anyway.
not surprised. i don't miss it.
trampled my flowers and called them weeds.

07.07.26

i stopped for a sign that wasn’t meant for me.
i waited. everyone still found the road.

07.03.26

the backspace key sticks // it doesn’t forget cleanly.
stubborn in a way machines shouldn’t be.
the cursor keeps blinking angrily.

06.27.26

a conversation ended mid-sentence and never agreed to resume.
i left the punctuation where it fell.
some people return to their worst chapter. i let them.

06.21.26

the room stopped changing around it a long time ago.
got lost in the bookstore. felt falsely performative.
a man kept speaking above it // it's all a bit too loud.
i left with three books.

06.19.26

lightheaded in the sterile room after i promised the lady i was okay.
i was fine with the needles but it was too cold.
the roll of tape slid closer to the edge. i think it wanted to be on the floor.
i don't blame it.

06.13.26

sedatives are fighting my energy drink consumption // both are losing.
i finished editing the document. it is six pages long and three generations old.

06.05.26

i keep dreaming of you // this always happens.
you had my red lighter again. the one i quietly replaced (i didn't mention it that morning).
sometimes you appear as a text message.
i wanted you to be real that night.

06.03.26

gatekept meds and misspellings.
they missed the second "a" again. the pharmacist keeps deleting my record because of it.

05.29.26

going in circles at LAX. labyrinth parking garage.

05.25.26

cigarettes and discussions of media literacy on a porch with a hazardous-looking ceiling fan.

05.24.26

the subconscious demands a restoration but it comes back anyway.
i am in the same room as before even though distance says i shouldn’t be.

05.12.26

sleeping as i had the back row to myself.
many songs were skipped and the gps argued with itself.
that waiting room wasn't real.
people are more willing to negotiate if you tell them you drove 3 hours to austin.
leverage.

05.10.26

i was gifted a blue fish. it sleeps in the kitchen cabinet until the floors are replaced

05.07.26

overfilled rice cooker. aided them via phone.
i don't even eat white rice.
"IF IT'S HARD, IT'S NOT COOKED"

05.05.26

got offered an orange slice at the funeral

05.02.26

too much mud // not enough lemonade

04.25.26

"tasteless transparent fried chicken" and potentially moldy lungs.
i ordered a strawberry lemonade and he left and came back with another straw and a hinting look.

04.16.26

i "smoke like a californian"

04.15.26

consensually broke and entered into an apartment // played "i spy" for a buzzer.
had to contact help and got pressured with bus propaganda.

04.10.26

the music was saved // 10th.
forgotten: camera, key, cash box.

04.02.26

"weak; cannot handle light rain" // the weather shifted.
socal wouldn't do this to me.

03.12.26

lukewarm burger

03.06.26

missed time // blacked out

03.01.26

"miffed" they said.
i threw a virtual tomato